The FOMO is REAL!
Listen up, y’all, FOMO is REAL! So, a few weeks ago, something dawned on me. Or maybe it fell on me and almost crushed me–I can’t be too sure. As a woman in her mid-thirties who happens to be childless, I found myself ruminating on the fact that I seem a lot “-less.” In fact, I am more “-less” than I ever thought I would be at this age.
Childless. Some days a little hopeless. Could be considered loveless.
I just seem to want so much more out of my life. I want to date, make more friends, perhaps even have children. Then I start spiraling into asking questions of myself, like,
“Who will take care of me when I get older?”
“Who will visit me when I age?”
“Who would even be there to come to my funeral?”
Aren’t friends, spouses and children needed for these kinds of things? Why don’t I have these? Is it okay to want these things even if they seem not in the plan for me?
Yep. I went full-on dark there with the funeral talk. Those aren’t particularly feel-good thoughts to think or to write about. But I want to be real with you. Reall, really, real, because I know I’m not the only one out here thinking like this.
It’s like we’re told to be so grateful that we can’t admit that we actually desire more out of our lives. Yep, I’m talking about toxic positivity here.
Are you lonely? Do you have FOMO, too? Perhaps you want more love. It’s not all that uncommon. I would argue that it’s more common than we are allowed or encouraged to talk about. It’s like we’re told to be so grateful that we can’t admit that we actually desire more out of our lives. Yep, I’m talking about toxic positivity here. Then people tell us in response:
“Just love yourself!”
“Just turn to Jesus!”
“You don’t need a spouse to make you happy!”
Okay, okay. I am aware that there is validity and merit to these statements. Yes, you should love yourself. Yes, a healthy spiritual life is a part of living a well-rounded, happy life. No, other people can’t make you happy. But, all these wants and desires and jealousies and tears, are really your heart telling you what you really want out of life. And you can have your heart’s desires!
The Purpose of Jealousy and FOMO
I used to think that those feelings of jealousy and FOMO I felt in my stomach when I saw pictures on social media of my friends falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, and cuddling their children meant that I was a desperate, ungrateful, even a “bad” person. “ I should be happy with the lot God gave me.” “Just celebrate their wins!” I would tell myself, “Be selfless.” Then I would follow up with, “Well, I don’t really want those things anyway. I’m too busy. I’m too independent. I’m not domestic.” Just put the eye rolls right here!!
Our shadow emotions, those feelings we try to hide or stuff down are valuable indicators for our lives. That jealousy, that FOMO, that irritation towards it not being “my turn” yet are signs from my inner workings that I do want those things. I do want love, a spouse, and children, even when it seems destined to never happen. Let’s honor our inner desires and needs.
What do you want? What makes you jealous? What deep down inside do you truly long for? Let’s pursue these things! Let’s wholeheartedly go after these things! Let’s pray for these things! There is no shame in the game for asking for and working for what you want, even if you’ve heard your whole life that it’s wrong to desire them. Follow the jealousy, y’all. Follow the feelings of FOMO. I mean it! It will lead to the (subconscious) desires of your heart!
Follow the jealousy, y’all. Follow the feelings of FOMO.
And don’t forget to take action on these desires. Feeling lonely? Join a meetup! I joined a ukulele jam group at a local library just recently and take my dachshund to playgroups. I’m out here trying to quench the thirst! Feeling loveless? Well, love is a two way street. When you give love, it is bound to come back to you. Volunteer for charity, help a friend, kiss a pet for crying out loud. Keep existing in love and you will attract that same magnificence. Maybe you long for a child. Go out on a date. Join a dating app. Meet new friends! I’m not saying to go out and have kids right away, but follow the breadcrumbs and it could happen someday. I find joy in spoiling my nieces and nephew. They may be the closest thing I ever have to offspring. I plan to make the most of it.
And if my life flashes before my eyes before I receive any of these desires that I so long for, I’ll know that I went out living authentically and true to my heart.
So, yes, the FOMO is REAL! I fear missing out on children, a wedding, just so much. But, these feelings are natural, acceptable and helpful for figuring out what I want out of life. They tell me where to direct my energy for the next steps. Sometimes this is harder to decipher than other times. This can lead to some pretty intense frustration, but for now I’m alright! I’m actually doing swimmingly well.
Until next time,
Joy
