Shame, Radical Acceptance and Forgiveness

Shame. It’s the painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. Ya’ll, I’ve got a lot of this. It’s one of those shadow feelings I feel racked with, but have a hard time confronting. What am I supposed to do with these feelings? 

I feel shame surrounding how I’ve treated my body in the past. I used to play down the abuses. I mean, I was twelve the first time my friend called me a “pig” at lunchtime and I ran home and purged that afternoon. I was probably seven when I first felt fat. It was a long time coming. 

There was probably no way I was fully aware of the psychological and physical damage I was doing to myself that young. But I still feel shame. Didn’t I know the distress it was causing me and my family in the long run?

I feel shame around hiding these behaviors and sneaking around for so many decades.  I feel shame for dragging my family down the spiral with me. I didn’t mean to–not as a child, not now.

Do you feel shame, too? You may not even feel it on the surface, but isn’t there that nagging little voice deep down that is stained with guilt for treating yourself or others a certain way?

Maybe you had an addiction. Maybe you were verbally abusive to yourself. Maybe to a loved one. Maybe you feel intense shame for hurting someone. For cutting yourself. For “being” unlovable all these years. For not standing up for yourself when you should have. For withstanding abuses you thought you could control. 

I understand. It probably all still stings. 

The bad news is that these experiences are incredibly common. Shame is a frequent human emotion. We all feel it at some point if we have a conscience. 

The good news is that there is a way out. 

We can radically accept that painful past and the emotions that come with it. It happened. The relationship failed. The disorder progressed. People were hurt. It sucks, but the past cannot be changed. We can, however, acknowledge it and move on.

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38-39, NRSV

We can forgive ourselves and others. This takes some practice and some time, but we are all worthy of forgiveness and grace. There is nothing you can ever do to be separated from God’s love and desire to offer you forgiveness and grace. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

A crucial step in self-love is forgiving yourself and unchaining yourself from the painful acts of others by forgiving them. You deserve freedom in your life. It’s time to let go of the pain.

I often have to remind myself that I am safe now. The past hurt. It hurt me and others who had to witness my hospitalizations, my self-torture, and almost my death. But I forgive myself for these actions. I accept that things were bad, that I was trapped, but also that freedom is mine to take and enjoy.

You can do the same! You are worthy of all the grace that God and the universe can offer you. Accept it today!

Things in the past have been tough, but today I am doing swimmingly well! I still struggle sometimes, but I am working hard on loving myself as I am. Come join me!

Until next time,

Joy